How........

Do you stop yourself from loving a child who is not biologically yours?

Do you try and seperate yourself from the situation between the father and mother when all that really matters is the child?

Do you try to now set boundaries now that you and the child are extremely attached to each other?


I am asking these questions because I have realized something over the past couple days. As most of you all know, I love Tanner more than anything in the entire world, and I would give my life for him in a heartbeat....but I have absolutely NO rights to him. I'm not his mother. I'm not even related to him. If something terrible happened (God Forbid!), the hospital wouldnt even be able to tell me anything about his condition. I guess it just really sucks to be so attacted and care so much for a child that is not yours. Yes, I know Im with Dorin and yes, we will probably one day end up getting married, but that doesnt give me anymore rights to Tanner.

I guess I just feel so protective because I WANT to be his mother. I want to be his mother because he deserves better than the one he has now. She doesnt care about him, she cares about the child support that comes along with him. She doesnt brush his teeth, she doesnt read him stories, she doesnt play outside with him for hours like I love to do. And you want to know why I know these things, because of the look on his face when I do these things with him. He is just a precious innocent little boy who needs security, protection, attention, and love.....and I do not feel that she gives him those these adequately. I mean, when Kristen comes to pick up Tanner while I am reading a book to him on the couch and he starts to scream and cry and hold on to me for dear life when he sees her, I get concerned.

Im not being conceited, but I KNOW that I treat him more like my son that she does. I know that him and I have a closer and securer relationship than Kristen and he have ever had, I mean, I spend atleast double the time with her son than she does.

She cant be a good mother when her main focus is money, personal attention, and drugs. She just cant.

The sad part is, she has no idea what she is missing out on. If she would just open her eyes and realize what she is doing she could be a good mom....I think. She is a VERY self-absorbed person....in her mind she comes before anyone else....even her own 2 year old son.

I hope that all this gets worked out soon before Tanner really starts to understand what is going on. I am hoping that by the time he can comprehend what family is, Dorin, him, and I will all be living together permantently and he will never have to wonder what having an unstable childhood is like.

Please pray for the situation. This child means the world to me....and I will do anything to make sure that he ends up in a safe, calm, and loving environment.

I know people say that blood is thicker than water, but I also think that water can be more pure and cleansing than bad blodd.