Tanners 2nd Birthday Party!

Okay first of all, I just want to apologize that I dont have ANY pictures from his party, I figured out once I got to Dorins house that my camera was DEAD and my charger was at home, I got some pictures on my cell phone, but I have no idea how to put them on here...anyway, just wanted to clear that up.

Okay so at first, I wasnt even planning on going to this party because Jody and I have not seen each other or even spoken since Christmas....yeah so like 5 months ago. But, Dorin and I had at conversation the night before the party and he told me that I just needed to get over my fear/attitude and come to the party. So, I agreed.

I had to work all day that day (the party was at night) which kept my mind off of my nerves about going to the party. I had all these thoughts of me walking in and Jody yellling, "What the fuck are YOU doing here?? You werent invited!!"...and other great scenerios like that. But like I said, work helped keep my mind off of it.

I got off work an hour early because we had 3 people scheduled for that day/night and when the mid-day girl showed up we werent very busy so I just stocked a bunch of stuff, and then I left.

I was happy about that because I didnt want to have to rush to the party. I was planning on going to Target or Walmart and getting a cute little new shirt because we all know how much Jody intimidates me....and I thought I needed to look perfect...but it turned out that I just went home and changed, grabbed my camera (that I THOUGHT worked), and headed to the house.

Once I got there I parked and I saw that Dorin and Tanner were out in the front yard playing. And let me just say, it NEVER EVER gets old when I get out of my car, Tanner sees me, and RUNS FULL SPEED with a huge smile on his face into my arms. That almost made me cry because I just couldnt believe that my baby (well not MINE technically, but in my mind yes he is mine) is 2 years old already.

I spent the next hour or so playing with Tanner and Dorin in the front yard, chasing him, throwing Tanners tiny little football and either Dorin and I would tell Tanner to "GO LONG!" and he would just run and run all the way to the end of the yard sometimes, and then we would throw the ball....and Tanner just thought that was the funnest thing in the world.

OH and also, for some reason, Tanner was CONVINCED that he was turning THREE that day! It was hirlarius! Everytime you asked him how old he was turning today, he would say "Three." EVERY TIME. It was so cute and funny. I would try to correct him and correct him, but he was just convinced he is 3 now.

Then one of Dorins good friends Nick shows up, so that was nice. We all hung out in the yard for a while, oh and it was really funny, the second Nick showed up Jody went to the window (she was inside with all the adults) and said "Hi Nick!" (I had been there for like 45 minutes already with NO hello, but whatever, what can I except right?)

Anyway, then it was time to go inside and sing Happy Birthday and open presents (the party didnt start til 7pm so we didnt have dinner or anything). This is about the time when I started to feel uncomfortable. ALL of his family was there, which was fine, but Jody was orchastrating everything and asking people if they wanted something to drink or anything. She asked Nick and I together, "Do you guys want something to drink?" And we both said no. It was so funny, when Tanner was getting sung Happy Birthday to, he covered his face and was VERY shy...it reminded me of the stories I have heard of Dorin when he was younger....he was very shy as well.

Then everyone had cake, and I was in the playroom with the kids (Tanner and his cousins) and Jody came in and said, "Janine, do you want cake?" and I just said, "No Thank you."

Tanner opened his presents and he was obsessed with this T-Ball set that Dorin and I bought him, after he opened that, he didnt even want to open any of his other presents...but he did. Dorins cousin JoAnn got Tanner this blow up boat thing that comes with a bunch of little plastic balls, so its like you have a tiny ball pit in your house (you know, the ones they have at Chucky Cheese). He LOVED that too.

Then I realized I locked my keys in my car.....GREAT!! So, the party was pretty much over anyway but people were still socializing in the house, but Dorin and I went outside and it took him like 5 minutes to get my car unlocked. Well as soon as we came in, Jody said, "Dorin, Tanner has been looking for you." SO, of course I thought she was pissed at me, SO I decided to not be a little scared little girl in the corner, I went up to Jody and said, "IM really sorry we had to go outside, like the dork I am I locked my keys in my car and he was helping me get them out." And she said, "Oh its okay hun, Tanner just always wants to know where Daddy is." So, I just apologized again and walked away.

So overall, I think it went alot better than expected. I am hoping that one day Jody and I can have a good relationship, but Im not going to rush anything, and Im not going to get my hopes up, but overall it was a good start I think.

Anyway, sorry this was so long. I just cant believe my little monkey is 2 already (well in his head he is 3!)LOL. He is growing up so fast and I just wish there was a pause button I could push to keep him little for a little bit longer!

Things Are Going Well......

Well, I know I havent blogged in a while, but seriously there hasnt been much to blog about lately. I have been just working alot, which is good because I am actually saving up money, plus I am able to pay my bills, which is always nice.

My best friend Lacey was here this last weekend for her baby shower! It was so wonderful to see her. Everytime I see her I just wish she would just move back to Washington. She and I have so much fun together, and it seems like we laugh every 5 seconds together, and it always seems like we are the only 2 people in any room that thinks what we are talking about is funny....we just have an awesome connection like that. I know that she will be one of my best friends forever, and I just wish she lived closer! Her baby shower was really fun, and I got to see her 2 nights before her shower too for a couple hours. Her husband Josh came with her, and he is so cool too. He is super laid back but also super nice and friendly. I just love them!

Anyway, other than working and trying to help out around the house as much as possible since my dads girlfriend has a major knee injury and cant do any housework right now, I have seen Dorin the past couple weekends.

The first weekend we hung out we just went for a walk on the Orting Trail which is my absolute favorite place to take a walk, plus the weather here has been amazing so that makes it nicer. The first walk that we took we talked alot about the serious stuff that needed to be talked about. We got alot out in the open, we talked for a long time about alot of stuff...which was good.

Ever since we have been hanging out every couple days. When we first started hanging out again I thought he was hiding it from his parents that we were talking and hanging out again, but lately I have come to his house to pick him up, so I know his parents know now, even if they didnt know at first. And seriously, I have no idea how they feel about it...and right now I dont really care. I have come to the realization that the only person I can control in this world is MYSELF...and I need to stop worrying about how other people feel about me. I know that I am not perfect, but I know I am not a bad person either, so if some people cannot except me for who I am then I cannot control that and I refuse to worry about it anymore. As long as I know that I am being respectful, nice, and cheerful to everyone I come into connect with, then the rest is on them.

Anyway, Dorin and I have been working on alot of things. We have talked alot like I said, and right now we are just enjoying each others company. I mean dont get me wrong, I KNOW that there are issues in Dorins and my relationship, but the bottom line is that we love each other whole heartedly, and we want to end up together at the end of the day.

I have learned more now than ever before that life is short, and you need to make the most out of the life you are given. If you love someone and they treat you right, you should never take them forgranted and just "assume" that they are going to be there forever.

I have also learned that it doesnt matter about what other people think about our relationship (like Dorins mom and Kristen), Dorin and my relationship should only be about Dorin and myself...because we are the only two people in our relationship. As long as we love each other, respect each other, enjoy each others company, and mutually want to be in this relationship, no other persons opinions or problems matter because they are NOT in our relationship.

Dont get me wrong, I would love to get along with Jody and Kristen...and in a perfect world we would all get along. BUT this is NOT a perfect world we live in, and you have to roll with the punches. No relationship is perfect, but I have come to realize that the problems in Dorins and my relationship really NEVER had ANYTHING to do with Dorin or me....we never had problems with each other, it was/is always a third party who has a problem or causes drama that made the stresses in our relationship. It was always Kristen calling and telling lies and creating drama just because she wanted attention, or Jody not agreeing with the color of the shirt I was wearing that day (not being serious, but you know what I mean) that would lead to the stress between Dorin and me.

Right now we are making it a point to hang out ALONE for right now, I dont go over to his house while his parents are home, he doesnt come over to my house, we go somewhere and spend time alone together, just to strengthen US again....and its going beautifully. We both feel like we need to work on just becoming great friends and confidants again, strengthening our relationship and friendship, and frankly just enjoying each others company right now before we allow anyone else back into our life together.

Like I said, in a perfect world Jody, Kristen, and I would all get along, but that is not a priority for me anymore. I just keep reminding myself that my relationship and loyalty is to DORIN, not to his family. It would be nice if we could get along, but if we dont, Im not going to lose sleep over it anymore.