Learning to Make Myself Happy Alone

I have had a really good week. Of course I still miss Dorin, Tanner, and even Jody and Roger everyday, and seeing Tanner and Jody at the library was EXTREMELY hard, but besides that I am slowly starting to detach myself from Dorin and the thought of "us" all the time.

I have been hanging out with my friends alot, working, and getting ready to move into my own NEW room my dad is building for me. Im very excited about finally getting some privacy around here, because I know the days of me wanting to cry are not over, and now I can do it in private if need be. My room should be done in a couple days, and even though its not going to be huge or anything, I am going to decorate it and make it MY OWN. I havent had my OWN personal room in over a year....I mean I stayed in my brothers room when he was in Alaska working, but it was NEVER my room, I was just renting it out you could say....so its going to be really nice.

I've decided that I am more than likely going to stay in Graham and not move across the state or to Utah. I mean, I think that would really upset my dad for him to put all this time and effort into building me my own space and for me to say, "Well thanks dad but Im moving out in a week." I dont think that would go over too well.

I still havent been sleeping well which is very frustrating, I only slept for about 3 hours last night and I think Im going to take a nap when I am done writing this blog.

I have started to learn and understand that is is OKAY to talk and get emotional about the breakup because if I dont, where is all that emotion eventually going to go....its gonna have to come out some way or another, so why not just do it the healthy wat you know?

I have the most generous mom in the entire world. She took me shopping today and bought me a very expensive pair of jeans and this Ed Hardy perfume I have wanted for months, but she just didnt buy me the perfume, she bought me the biggest boexed set they had that came with EVERYTHING, even an Ed Hardy bracelet. She is the most giving person on this earth....I just cant believe what a big heart she has.

I got alot done today on my first day of my two days off. I hung out with Jessica and gave her alot of my old expensive clothes that most still had the tags on (no wonder I have to file for bankkruptcy!? and talked to her about Tanner and how much I miss him. I started to cry when I talked to her, I think its definately getting easier for me to open up about the situation, even though its so hard and painful. While I was at the mall today getting that stuff courtesy of my mom, I also got my Tiffany necklace and ring repolished for free, spent $15 on a cute hat and scarf from Payless, paid $40 to FINALLY get my ears peirced, and then spend like $80 at Sephora, my alltime favorite makeup store....its so easy to spend money there.

After I finally left the mall I went and got gas and some wine and went over to Shelbys house, it was so fun and plus I havent seen her since before she moved to California.....so overall it was an excellent day and night.

Tomorrow I am going to get some stuff done around the house, run some errands, hangout with my friend Megan and then going to a fun gitls night tonight. Its going to be so fun!!

The bottom line of all of this I just wrote is that I am purposely keeping yourself busy because not only does it take my mind off of Forin and Tanner but its just naturally good to me.

Okay well I really need to take a cat nap, I can barely keep my eyes open,