Some People....

Okay so I havent had any major medical problems since I got clean 15 months ago. No kidney stones, nothing. Well I had to go to the emergency room last night because I was having really bad stomach pains and my back was hurting too. I was proud of myself though because I told the Dr. and nurse right from the beginning that I used to be addicted to narcotic pain medication and I dont want any. To be honest though, it was a little tempting. It was the first time I think EVER that I went to the ER and didnt get the "good drugs". To know that they were only a room away, and a shot away, was a little tempting, but I got over that thought real quick. Plus, my Dr. wouldnt have given me anything like that anyway after I told him I have been clean for 15 months, he said he wouldnt want to "put all my hard work in jepordy". He was an awesome Dr., he listened to me, wasnt rushing, and even respected and took my idea to cancel the CAT scan he wanted to give me. I told him the reasons why I thought it was an unneccessary test for this situation, he told me I was being logical, and canceled the scan for me. I love it when Dr.s actually LISTEN to their patients wishes and dont just act like Gods with white jackets.

He took some blood work, which took 45 minutes and 4 nurses to find a vein that would give out any blood (they actually ended up having to use a vain in my boob...lol). I just have very small and stubborn veins. The blood work came back pretty much normal except that my hemoglobin level is low (which I have no idea what that means) and that Im slightly anemic. So, in the end, we just "figured" it was a kidney stone because he couldnt figure out why my stomach would hurt SO bad one minute, and then just stop. Completely intermintent.

But now that Im home, I KNOW I dont have a kidney stone. Im not sure whats going on with my stomach but its kinda scary because the pain is SO intense when it comes on.

I wrote about me having a kidney stone on facebook, and my old manager who just got fired wrote, "Do you ever feel good?", and I got so fucking pissed off. First of all, she barely knows me, she doesnt know my past, and this is the FIRST time I have been sick since she has known me. I just wrote her back and said "I dont know if you were trying to be funny or rude with your comment, but to answer your question YES I do normally feel good, Im just sick right now. EVERYONE gets sick sometimes." I just thought her comment was so insensitive and rude....I would NEVER say that to anyone.

At about 6 am this morning they finally said I was released, but they wouldnt let me drive because they had given me an xanax 5 HOURS BEFORE (it was ridiculous), so I had to try to find a ride....at 6am. I was just going to have one of my friends come to the ER and say "Yeah, Im taking her home"....and then I would just get in my car and drive home. Im not stupid, if I was really messed up I wouldnt have driven but I was completely FINE. So I started calling people. Some people, who some I werent even that close to, were to helpful, while a couple people who I consider my closer friends completely ignored me. It kind of made me realize who my real friends are and who would really go out of their way on 6am on a Saturday morning to help me. Alot of people didnt answer because they were sleeping but called me right when they woke up. It meant alot. My friend Nicole, who works in Sumner said she would stop by on her way to work, that meant alot. My friend Michelle said she would come all the way from Graham to help me, that meant alot. Brandy called me and apologized for not being awake, that meant alot. Melissa texted me and said that when she did talk to me she was so out of it and thought it was a dream (cause I did get ahold of her to pick me up but then my signal faded) and apologized, that meant alot. Shelby said she would have came and sat with me all night at the hospital, that meant alot. Once my best friend Lacey woke up, who lives in Utah, she immediately showed concern, that meant alot.

I dont like all this attention, I dont like to feel dependant on anyone for any kind of favor, but this morning I was seriously stuck. They eventually let me go because I said that someone was on their way to get me, and I had already been released for 2 hours so I think she just felt bad for me....because usually they have to watch you get into the other persons car, but she just handed me my paperwork and said to sit in the lobby until my friend got there. So I waited a few minutes, and then just walked to my car and drove away.

I can understand that they would be liable if something would have happened to me if they let me drive while I was messed up, but I was NOT messed up. They gave me 1 mg of xanax 5 hours before I was released, and Im prescribed 2 mgs a day by my Dr, and have for years. And I told them that, I showed them my prescription bottle. I told them I was fine, but they said I had to get a ride. Eventually though it worked out okay. I know their intentions were in the right place, they want to keep people safe.

So, thank you to everyone who has gone out of their way today with either a text message, phone call, email, etc, to wish me well wishes. I love that I have friends who I know will do anything for me if needed, which I think is awesome, because I would do the same for any one of those people too.

On the other hand, I also realized that some people dont really care....they act like they do, but when it comes down to it, they dont. It hurts, it sucks, but whatever. Atleast Im learning now instead of later down the road.