While the Tears Flow, I will write.

And it hurts so much to know that he probably doesnt even care of even think of me. There are so many tears I have cried, but that doesnt matter, it wont change anything. I cant get him out of my damn head and its driving me crazy. I miss him. I miss his touch. I miss his kiss. Im already crying again.
I just dont understand. How could I have been so blind to not see that he was actually just using me? People have convinced me he had this all planned out, and it breaks my heart. I feel so stupid. And what sucks the most is even though he used me and doesnt give a shit about me...I fell in love with him, and thats not going away. Sometimes I feel like I will be okay, but other times I just feel like my world was just ruined and it will never be the same again. I will never even get to see him again....I cant believe that. He was my person.
I miss Tanner so much too. That little boy has my heart just as much as his dad. Whenever moms talk about their kids, I think about Tanner. It was so hard to have to say goodbye to him in the middle of a public library. To know that that was the last time I would ever see him was just so unbearable. After they left I covered my face and started to cry so hard right there in that computer chair. I thought that was going to be my future....but it turns out that he doesnt want me. But that doesnt mean that my feelings for him changed. I still wanted him.
I wish he would just call. But I know he wont. He doesnt care and I need to get that through my head.
I dont think he will EVER realize the impact this has had on me, this is the hardest thing I have ever experienced, even harder than my best friend suddenly passing away....because with that situation, Nate was taken away, Dorin just walked away. I have my good and bad days, and right now in this moment, I am actually being real and honest and not trying to pretend like Im fine, because Im not. How do you just stop loving and thinking about the man you wanted to spend your life with? And then your just thrown away. He got a job and needed need me anymore, so he waited until after his birthday, and left me...broken.

Im broken...I will never be the same....I know I will eventually heal...but right now...Im just going to let the tears fall.