Thank the Lord my Life is No Longer Like This

Here are the lyrics I heard to a song by Rhianna right after I became clean. These lyrics really told my story of drug addiction. Read them and think about what your life would be like if your life was this song. It's called "Disturbia".

what's wrong with me?
why do i feel like this?
i'm going crazy now

no more gas in the rig
can't even get it started
nothing heard, nothing said
can't even speak about it
all my life on my head
don't want to think about it
feels like i'm going insane
yeah

it's a thief in the night
to come and grab you
it can creep up inside you
and consume you
a disease of the mind
it can control you
it's too close for comfort

throw on your break lights
we're in the city of wonder
ain't gonna play nice
watch out, you might just go under
better think twice
your train of thought will be altered
so if you must faulter be wise
your mind is in disturbia
it's like the darkness is the light
disturbia
am i scaring you tonight
your mind is in disturbia
ain't used to what you like
disturbia
disturbia

bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

faded pictures on the wall
it's like they talkin' to me
disconnectin' your call
your phone don't even ring
i gotta get out
or figure this shit out
it's too close for comfort


it's a thief in the night
to come and grab you
it can creep up inside you
and consume you
a disease of the mind
it can control you
i feel like a monster

throw on your break lights
we're in the city of wonder
ain't gonna play nice
watch out, you might just go under
better think twice
your train of thought will be altered
so if you must faulter be wise
your mind is in disturbia
it's like the darkness is the light
disturbia
am i scaring you tonight
your mind is in disturbia
ain't used to what you like
disturbia
disturbia

release me from this curse
i've been trying to maintain
but i'm struggling
you can't go, go, go
i think i'm going to oh, oh, oh

throw on your break lights
we're in the city of wonder
ain't gonna play nice
watch out, you might just go under
better think twice
your train of thought will be altered
so if you must faulter be wise
your mind is in disturbia
it's like the darkness is the light
disturbia
am i scaring you tonight
your mind is in disturbia
ain't used to what you like
disturbia
disturbia



You know, lately I have been thinking alot about where I was and what my life was like at this time last year, and it just makes me terribly sad and overwhelmingly rejiousful at the exact same time. I know that sounds weird but I am so sad I allowed by life to be like it was, but at so greatful that I am no longer living that kind of life whatsoever.

I think about the people I knew, the people I hung out with, and I really want to cry for them. The life I led was a very dark and lonely one, and I had people all around me. My best friend was my drug. Thats really all I thought about, all I really cared about, and all I did. My life seriously revolved around painkillers, and now that I think back with a clear head, it makes me cry.

I wasted so much precious time. Time that could have been spent in college, time spent maintaining and making new relationships with friends and loved ones. I just cannot believe it, I cannot believe I allowed my life to be like it was.

Now, like I said, I think about all those people that I used to know. I have not talked to a single one since I got clean because I refuse to for the sake of my sobriety. My heart aches for those people. If they could only see what I see now. If they could only see how life is so much better without the drug and the control of it. Life is so much more free. You can laugh, cry, and smile without having to be in a drug induced state. You can go out and have fun without having to be high. You can plan activities and actually look forward to them, instead of only looking forward to one thing-getting high. You can maintain a job and love it. You can look at yourself with so much more respect and integrity knowing that you threw your old dark life in the trash where it belongs. You can think about other things, you can actually have a life, and being on drugs, its just not possible.
If there was one thing I could tell everyone who has the same addiction that I had is that there IS hope, there is a life after the drug, and its a MUCH better life. I wish that everyone overcame drug addiction, but the sad fact is that alot of people die from the same actions I was taking on a daily basis.

I consider myself a miracle, because I know that alot of people never overcome the addiction that I had. It's so strong and so addicting that it seriously does take over your mind, BUT it really isn't as strong as YOU. I promise you that. And I can tell you that with all honesty because I have lived through it. I have been through the darkest of days with my addiction and I know how much it hurts, but now I have also seen that there is hope and life after getting clean.

For ANYONE who is reading this and just needs someone to talk to, please do not hesitate to contact me, you can even contact me anonsymously. And trust me, you will not shock me with anything you tell me, I have either done or had people in my life who took it to the absolute limits, so I promise you there is nothing I cannot try to help you deal with.