God always Shines....even when your car breaks down.

So, I spent most of the day at Dorins today. Dorin, Jody and I took Tanner to see Santa which was cool. We went to a local Animal Feed Store which has an outside covered area, and they had this Country Christmas theme set up with Santa, and of course a professional photographer to take pictures. It was nice though because they had bails of hay on each side of Santa (and Santa was sitting on one too) so a child didn't HAVE to sit on Santas lap to get a picture.

First off, I took him up to Santa, I then sat down next to Santa and put Tanner in my lap and Santa got out a book and we were all reading it together. The photographer got some really good pictures of that. Then Dorin came into the picture and we had Tanner stand up next to Santa with Dorin standing behind Tanner and me standing on the side of Tanner and we got a couple cute shots of that, then I got out of the picture and Jody got in and we got cute shots of that too. Jody is so generous. I knew she was going to be wanting to buy a picture, but she totally bought the most expensive package so that I (well Dorin and I, but Dorin just told me to pick what I liked) could pick a picture that we liked of all of us and get a package of it. The package that she purchased was called the "Best Deal Package" and it came with any 2 packages and a CD of all the pictures taken from the sitting with Santa...all for $40.25....which I thought was kind of expensive, but then again I have never bought professional pictures before.

Jody completely included me on all the choices, she asked me what two packages we should get, there were like 5 different packages (1 package had just 1 8X10...another had 2 5X7s...etc), so I suggested to her that since Dorin, Tanner and I are already going to be getting our Christmas pictures done soon, we didn't need an 8X10 but that maybe she should get an 8X10 of her,Dorin and Tanner since she wasnt going to be going to the Christmas pictures with us. She totally thought that was a good idea and chose the picture she liked the best of the 3 of them in an 8X10...and then she was just like, okay so what package do you want? So I got to choose what picture I liked the best of Dorin, Tanner and I and picked the package I wanted, I contemplated getting some wallets, but I knew that we would be getting plenty of them when we get our Christmas pictures done, so I just chose the package with 2 5X7s. I told her I had cash, but she told me not to worry about it. It was so sweet of her.

After that we just all went home and Tanner was completely ready for his nap, he went right to sleep when we got home. I decided to also take a little nap before I had to work at 4:30, So, when I woke up, I got ready for work, and said goodbye.

Well, I was like 2/3rds of my way to work, on Meridian, and my car starts to die...thankfully slowly. I noticed because I couldnt accelerate, so I got in the slow lane, noticed that my engine light was on, and turned into the first turn off I saw (which was really hard because all of a sudden my power steering wouldnt work either!)....and lucky for me...it was an auto parts store! I almost made it completely into the parking lot before my car completely died, so a couple of guys that worked there pushed me the rest of the way in. I immediately called my work and told them that my car had died, but luckily I was at an auto parts store, and that a guy from the store was looking at my car so I would probably be late.

Well, the guy couldnt figure out what was wrong with it, he said the only way to find out what was wrong was to get it towed to a body shop. I thought, Great!. So I called my work again and said that I was pretty much screwed, that the guy had no idea what was wrong with my car, and that I didnt really know how I would get there without having to call someone from Graham to come and get me (and then leaving my car in the dark for the night!), and that I wouldnt have a car to get to work with tomorrow (for a double shift) if I didnt get this taken care of. I really didnt want to leave my car just sitting there all night, and I thought they would tell me to just get my car taken care of and not worry about coming in, but for some reason they said, "Well, we will just worry about tomorrow tomorrow, but we need you to get here as soon as you can." And I was kind of like, "Okay, well its gonna be a while, I need to call someone to come and get me." and blah, blah, blah.

I was irritated that they really still needed me to come in (when in my mind, I knew I wouldnt even be working for very long anyway), so I called Dorin, told him what happened, and asked him if him and his dad could come and get me and take me to work. He said they were on their way. I then called my dad, told him what happened, and asked him if he could call his mechanic to come look at my car. Luckily, my dads mechanic was home and my dad said that him and the mechanic would come look at my car while I was at work. Thank God.

So, Dorin and his dad get there and look at my car for a few minutes, Dorins dad guessed it was the timing belt.

Once I get to work, I have to worry about somehow finding a ride home, because I didnt want to have to make Dorins dad come and get me again, and I knew my dad would be busy working on my car so he couldnt come get me. Thankfully, a super sweet friend and co-worker of mine Chloe told me that she would give me a ride home, and she didnt seem annoyed by the idea either. She is just so super sweet.

Anyway, I only had 3 tables and then Chloe got phased so I had to find someone who also got phased to stay for me so that I could get a ride with Chloe (who by the way, only lives like 3 minutes from work, so it was totally out of her way to take me home but she was still super sweet about it anyway). Thank God, I found someone.

So Chloe, her dad, and I all start on the way to Graham. We stopped at Auto Zone (the place my car was) to see if my dad and the mechanic were still there, but they werent. So, I got into my car to see if it would start, and it still wouldnt! I was so frustrated because I knew that it had to be something kind of serious then.

I then immediately called my house and my dad had just gotten home. He told me that the timing belt had snapped and it would take a couple of days to fix, plus we have to get it towed to the mechanics house. I asked him if he could pick me up at Safeway so Chloe and her dad didnt have to drive me all the way home (because the farther we were going towards my house, the more it started to snow harder!) and he said yes.

So I gave Chloe some money (which I had to force her to take) for gas and waited at Safeway for my dad. Once him and Cheryl got there I felt alot better, like everything was going to be okay. I was with family, and my dad said that I could use his van (or even his new truck!--which I would never drive) to drive to work and stuff until my car is fixed. That was such a relief.

I dont have a day off until Friday, but atleast I have a vechile to get there until my car gets fixed.

In the end, I realized that God was definately still in control of the situation even though it sucked. He blessed me with the fact of breaking down right next to an auto parts store that also gave me premission to leave my car there overnight, he blessed me with amazing people that took time out of their own days to drive me to and from work, he blessed me with a great dad who took care of getting my car diagnosed while I was working, he blessed me with someone at work who was nice enough to stay a couple extra hours so that I could get a ride home, and he blessed me with a vehcile to drive while my car is out of commission.

God is awesome, even when I think the situation sucks, He still shines through.

Night Night.

PS. I will put up the Santa pictures as soon as I get them from Jody.

Great Day!

This day was wonderful (Friday). Both Dorin and I had the day off, along with both his parents, so Jody and I planned to have a "cookie day" and make cookies together all day. The purpose of this was for a few reasons: 1" She is really sincerely trying to help me learn how to cook and bake more (my mom never taught me), 2) Having cookies made for her upcoming Work Christmas party on Sunday, and 3)to just have fun and make cookies together.

I got there around 11am. It was perfect timing, as soon as I got there Jody had just gotten home from the store where she picked up the rest of the ingredients we needed for the cookies we were making. We planned on making 4 different kinds of cookies today: these cherry bars Jody loved as a child, peanut butter oatmeal chocolate chip, chocolate no-bake cookies, and fudge.

Well, we only made the cookies and saved the fudge for another day because the peanut butter oatmeal chocolate chip cookies took alot longer than expected due to the thickness and cumbliness of them while we were trying to form them into cookies, but once they baked they were perfect (we were fearful that they would fall apart).

While we were making cookies Dorin and his dad were outside doing some things together. Once they came in and we finished the cookies, it was time for a little bit of housework. Dorins house is NEVER messy, but its that way because we all keep it really clean and straightened up. I decided I would vacume the entire house (like I have done many times) because I thought that would really help Jody out...I know she doesnt enjoy vacuuming the carpet and floors, so I did it. She didnt thank me but I think she really appreciated it because like 10 minutes after that she came into Dorins room where we were both making the bed and folding laundry, and she said, "So, would you guys like to go pick up Tanner together and then go to the Spaghetti Factory for dinner?" and we both were like, "Yeah!" I just thought it would be super nice and fun, plus its one of Dorins alltime favorite restaurants and we have never been there together, so I was really excited to go.

So, we went to pick up Tanner from daycare at about 2:30-3pm, and headed to Tacoma for dinner, Dorin and I thought it was a little early for going to dinner, but his dad likes to eat kind of early, plus we didnt have to want to wait forever for a table, so we headed to Tacoma. Well, when we got there, we realized from the sign on the door that the restaurant didn't open for dinner until 5pm...and it was only 3:50, so we decided to go to Freighthouse Square right down the street for a little while, and just walk around and look in the little shops until it was time for dinner.

When we got to Freighthouse Square, Tanner was definately ready to get out of the car, he wasn't fussy or anything but 45 minutes is definately longer than he is used to be in the car at one time (atleast when he is with us), so we started to walk around. The place was really empty, like almost zero people, which I thought was kind of weird, but also good because we had lots of room to run around. We walked around for a while but got bored kind of quickly, Jody said that the place had really gone down hill since the last time she had been there, and I could understand why. There wasn't much to look at, but it was still kind of fun and it wasted time.

So, finally we go back to the restaurant for dinner and there are tons of people in the lobby already waiting, thankfully there is still one bench open (right next to a lightened-up Chistmas tree) to we all sat down, I sat right next to the Christmas tree with Tanner so he would stay entertained (we still had like 20 minutes until we could get seated because it wasnt 5pm yet). The tree worked as a distraction for a little bit, but then we had to get some his toys out of the diaper bag so he could play. During this time, I also took him to the bathroom to change his diaper just for something to do to waste time...lol.

Once we were seated, Tanner started to get restless for a little while but he quickly calmed down. He is alot more behaved than some other children I have seen his age at Red Robin. He just played with his toys and stuff until the food came. We were happy because he really liked his food (sometimes he will hardly eat anything), but he ate pretty good. We got him milk to drink, spaghetti with meat sauce and applesauce (which they brought first, which was good). Then of course we all got spumoni ice cream for dessert which was so yummy! Tanner didnt eat one bite of his (he isn't really into sweets, he would much rather have fruit than a cookie or ice cream). Overall, it was such a nice dinner. But I have to say, I have noticed that going out to dinner once you have a young child to take care of and be responsible for is ALOT different than just going out to dinner with adults. Most of my time was filled with making sure than Tanner was behaving, not eating his crayons (LOL), and not choking on his food (I have a phobia about that). I mean, I really did still super enjoy myself, and of course Dorin helped ALOT too, but its just different once you have a child, your focus is more on your child than on conversation.

But like I said, overall it was such a nice dinner.

Once we got home, we showed Tanner the lit up Christmas tree and all the Christmas decorations and then pretty much immediately gave him a bath. We knew he was getting tired (even though it was only 7pm), he had had a long day at daycare and then was out with us for the night so I thought he would really enjoy (even more than usual) a nice bath, which he did. He loves his baths. He loves to play and just be in the water. After that was jammy time...so we got him in his jammies and then we all decided to rent "Fred Clause" off of On Demand and watch it. Whenever we watch a movie all together out in the living room Dorin and I take most of the blankets and pillows off his bed and make a bed out on the floor for him, Tanner, and I.

It was such a good and funny movie. Tanner had grapes (his absolute favorite) while watching the movie...and played for the rest of the time while we were watching it, so I didn't get to catch all of the movie, but I got most of it. It was a really good Christmas movie...completely funny but also a good Christmas movie.

After the movie, Tanner said goodnight to Nana and Papa and we went into our room for bedtime. Tanner and I now have a tradition that I sing him Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star (his favorite song) to him while he is falling asleep, and if I stop before his is asleep, he will say "Please" which means for me to keep singing. It really works good for him falling asleep, the past couple weekends I have started singing it to him and he has been falling asleep alot faster.

After Tanner fell asleep Dorin and I just snuggled and watched some TV.

Overall, it was a really, really good day.

I really consider Dorins family my immediate family more than my own family right now, due to some things going on at home. I am always at Dorins, the only time I am here is when I sleep. I guess my dad and I have a kind of relationship where we just cant live together, so Im really looking forward to saving money like crazy after Christmas and moving out with Dorin on our own again. We have already started looking at houses and apartments. We would prefer to rent a house, but we like some appartments too.

Okay well goodnight.

Unappreciated Help

Tonight was frustrating, but I'm learning to not let things bug me as much as they used to. Here is was happened.

Dorin and I both had today off, I called off of work because it was going to be slow and his boss was having surgery so he didn't have to work. So, I slept in for a bit, talked to Cheryl for an hour, got dressed and went over to Dorins house.

Well, when I got there Jody was home because she didn't work til' 3 pm (she worked 3pm to 7 pm tonight). I got there about 1:30. Dorin and I decided to go out to lunch about 15 minutes after I got there so we went and got teriaki, ate, and came home. Well, I had leftovers of my fried rice because they gave me so much, so I asked her if she would like to take it to work so she could eat on her break, but she said no because she had just eaten.

Anyway, on our way home from getting lunch we saw a "For Rent" sign on a house at the end of Dorins little road (which is super, super close to his parents house, like probably 10 seconds driving distance) but I got the number anyway and called when we got back home. I called on it and got the information about it, but later Dorin told me that he thought it was too close to his parents house and he didn't want to schedule an appointment to look at it or anything. I agreed after thinking about it.

Well, right before Jody left for work she told Dorin that she wanted him to take out the garbage and recyling, clean up Tanners room, clean the guest bathroom, and clean up his own room (which wasn't even messy at all), put up and assemble the Christmas tree (its fake) and she also mentioned, "And the carpet couldn't hurt being vacuumed either." It kind of irritated me that she told him to do all those things because she had been sitting at home ALL day on the couch doing NOTHING. Why couldn't she vacuum? But, I understand that Dorin had the day off and she had to work (on of the 2 days a week that she works) so she wanted Dorin to do housework. Also, she likes Dorin to help out around the house ALOT which he does.

So anyway, she left for work. Well, we decided that we wanted to go down to Orting to look at houses down there that were for rent (we are planning to move within 2-3 months max). After we were done looking at the houses, we decided to go to town to Costco to get this cookbook for his mom for Christmas that she wants.

While we were there, he was very considerate (in my opinion) and called her at work and asked her if she needed anything at Costco. She told him to get milk and to get something easy for dinner. Well, he got the milk but we really couldn't find anything for dinner that she would really like, so we left.

We came home around 5:30pm and started on the list of chores. I took out the garbage and recyling bins, cleaned the guest bathroom, started to clean up Tanners room, he put up and assembled the tree, vacuumed the floor, we cleaned up his room together, and did everything else that she asked. In addition to that, I also took the clothes out of the dryer for her and folded them, I started a load of her laundry for her that was in the alundry room, I put the dishes that were in the sick in the dishwasher and started it, I put away the clean dishes that were in the dish rack (that we hand wash), I wiped down all the counters, I tidied up the living room, I fed the dog, Dorin fed the outside dog, and I fed the cat. I pretty much did EVERYTHING I could think of so that the house was completely SPOTLESS when she got home so that she would be in a good mood, and I was happy that I had done something nice for her.

Well, when she got home it seemed like she didn't even notice all the work I/we did. Instead of being appreciative for everything that we had done, she was automatically in a horrible mood because there was nothing made for her for dinner. She was in such a bad mood, she even said to Dorins dad, "Well it pisses me off that I come home from work and have to figure out something to eat for dinner." Well, its not like she had to make dinner for all of us. We had all already eaten. Dorin and I had leftovers from our lunch, and Dorins dad made himself some chili when he got home from work about 20 minutes before Jody.

I was just so frustrated, she was in a horrible mood for the rest of the night. Not one thank you, not even one ACKNOWEDGEMENT that we had done anything, even though we had done everything AND some. But I know for a fact that if we HADN'T done EVERYTHING on that list of chores, she would have completely bitched about it, its like she will totally complain if it doesn;t get done, but doesn't even say thank you for it getting done.

I mean, I don't even live there and I was doing her household cleaning chores for her..and she acted like I didn't exist because Dorin and I didn't pick up anything for dinner. Its like instead of being grateful and appreciative for everything that we DID do for her, she immediately is negative and pissed off about the ONE thing that we DIDN'T do.

I don't know, it just kind of bugs me. I know it shouldn't. I have done tons of cleaning things in her house right in front of her before while not living there and NOT ONCE has she EVER said "Thank You" or even acknowledged that I did anything.

Whatever. Another Day in the Life I guess.

Dorin is amazing though, he is the sweetest boyfriend in the world and I am so grateful and blessed to have him in my life, so even if I have to deal with these kinds of things for the rest of my life (because I know I will), its okay because to me, he and our relationship is completely worth it to me.

You take the good with the bad I guess.

Thank the Lord my Life is No Longer Like This

Here are the lyrics I heard to a song by Rhianna right after I became clean. These lyrics really told my story of drug addiction. Read them and think about what your life would be like if your life was this song. It's called "Disturbia".

what's wrong with me?
why do i feel like this?
i'm going crazy now

no more gas in the rig
can't even get it started
nothing heard, nothing said
can't even speak about it
all my life on my head
don't want to think about it
feels like i'm going insane
yeah

it's a thief in the night
to come and grab you
it can creep up inside you
and consume you
a disease of the mind
it can control you
it's too close for comfort

throw on your break lights
we're in the city of wonder
ain't gonna play nice
watch out, you might just go under
better think twice
your train of thought will be altered
so if you must faulter be wise
your mind is in disturbia
it's like the darkness is the light
disturbia
am i scaring you tonight
your mind is in disturbia
ain't used to what you like
disturbia
disturbia

bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

faded pictures on the wall
it's like they talkin' to me
disconnectin' your call
your phone don't even ring
i gotta get out
or figure this shit out
it's too close for comfort


it's a thief in the night
to come and grab you
it can creep up inside you
and consume you
a disease of the mind
it can control you
i feel like a monster

throw on your break lights
we're in the city of wonder
ain't gonna play nice
watch out, you might just go under
better think twice
your train of thought will be altered
so if you must faulter be wise
your mind is in disturbia
it's like the darkness is the light
disturbia
am i scaring you tonight
your mind is in disturbia
ain't used to what you like
disturbia
disturbia

release me from this curse
i've been trying to maintain
but i'm struggling
you can't go, go, go
i think i'm going to oh, oh, oh

throw on your break lights
we're in the city of wonder
ain't gonna play nice
watch out, you might just go under
better think twice
your train of thought will be altered
so if you must faulter be wise
your mind is in disturbia
it's like the darkness is the light
disturbia
am i scaring you tonight
your mind is in disturbia
ain't used to what you like
disturbia
disturbia



You know, lately I have been thinking alot about where I was and what my life was like at this time last year, and it just makes me terribly sad and overwhelmingly rejiousful at the exact same time. I know that sounds weird but I am so sad I allowed by life to be like it was, but at so greatful that I am no longer living that kind of life whatsoever.

I think about the people I knew, the people I hung out with, and I really want to cry for them. The life I led was a very dark and lonely one, and I had people all around me. My best friend was my drug. Thats really all I thought about, all I really cared about, and all I did. My life seriously revolved around painkillers, and now that I think back with a clear head, it makes me cry.

I wasted so much precious time. Time that could have been spent in college, time spent maintaining and making new relationships with friends and loved ones. I just cannot believe it, I cannot believe I allowed my life to be like it was.

Now, like I said, I think about all those people that I used to know. I have not talked to a single one since I got clean because I refuse to for the sake of my sobriety. My heart aches for those people. If they could only see what I see now. If they could only see how life is so much better without the drug and the control of it. Life is so much more free. You can laugh, cry, and smile without having to be in a drug induced state. You can go out and have fun without having to be high. You can plan activities and actually look forward to them, instead of only looking forward to one thing-getting high. You can maintain a job and love it. You can look at yourself with so much more respect and integrity knowing that you threw your old dark life in the trash where it belongs. You can think about other things, you can actually have a life, and being on drugs, its just not possible.
If there was one thing I could tell everyone who has the same addiction that I had is that there IS hope, there is a life after the drug, and its a MUCH better life. I wish that everyone overcame drug addiction, but the sad fact is that alot of people die from the same actions I was taking on a daily basis.

I consider myself a miracle, because I know that alot of people never overcome the addiction that I had. It's so strong and so addicting that it seriously does take over your mind, BUT it really isn't as strong as YOU. I promise you that. And I can tell you that with all honesty because I have lived through it. I have been through the darkest of days with my addiction and I know how much it hurts, but now I have also seen that there is hope and life after getting clean.

For ANYONE who is reading this and just needs someone to talk to, please do not hesitate to contact me, you can even contact me anonsymously. And trust me, you will not shock me with anything you tell me, I have either done or had people in my life who took it to the absolute limits, so I promise you there is nothing I cannot try to help you deal with.

Staying Positive

Okay so I have thinking alot lately...mostly about my negative attitude about eveything, but mostly the Jody situation.

Bottom Line, I need to stop.

I have so many amazing blessings in my life, and I need to start focusing completely on them, and to be honest, although I complain about her alot, Jody is one of those blessings. She is a huge source of advice and support.

The past couple days have been awesome and I have decided to stop "competing" with her, and just try to make her happy, because even though her opinions might not mesh with mine, it always turns out to be a better situation when I just go with the flow and not fight it.

Dorin and I have decided that him, I, and Tanner will all wear Red instead of Green in our Christmas pictures, not because that is what Jody wants, but we went to like 3 different stores and they really didn't have many cute green shirts for neither Dorin, I or Tanner. Plus, Tanner and I already had red shirts we could wear in the picture so all we had to get was Dorins shirt, which we purchased tonight while Christmas shopping.

Dorin and I had a wonderful night tonight. We went Christmas shopping for a while and then came home and Tanner was already there because Jody picked him up from daycare. The poor little guy is still not feeling very well so he was very clingy...especially to me, which I didn't mind, but by the end of the night I felt like my arm was going to fall off from holding him for like 5 hours straight.

It was so sweet though, I could tell he was really tired at about 8pm but he was completely fighting it. So, I took him in Dorins room alone, and just held him standing up. He fussed for like 30 seconds and then he just put his head on my shoulder and I just rocked back and forth, rubbed his back, and sang him "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" (one of his favorite songs). No joke, Dorin came in about 1 minute later, and I immediately motioned to Dorin to not talk or anything (thinking that Tanner was not asleep yet, since it had only been MAYBE 1 minute since he laid his head on my shoulder) and Dorin came over to me, looked at Tanner, and said, "He's asleep." I was like, "Are you serious?!?!". I can't believe he fell asleep so fast, so I just layed him down in our bed and he has been sleeping ever since.

I love my family, I mean I know they are not my "official" family yet, but I consider Dorin and Tanner my family. They are the closest people to me, and the people that I am going to spend forever with, so to me, they are my family.

I am so blessed by being with such an amazingly supportive guy who puts up with all my complaints sometimes. He just listens, just like I need him to. I tell him and other people all the time that he was seriously "custom made" for me. And I seriously believe that. Also, I am also so blessed to be able to take part in raising the most amazing little boy God has ever created. He amazes me and cracks me up everyday, and I could never see my life without either him or Dorin again.

I'm so happy for my New Forever!

"Let Your Will be Done"

I have always been the biggest worry wort in the world...seriously. Anything that happens in my life or in a loved ones life I always think the absolute worst...and I really hate that about myself.

BUT for the last couple of years I have learned when I pray to ALWAYS say, "Lord, let Your will be done." Sometimes its really, really hard to say but I always do, because in the end I know His will is the best.

Tonight my dad got sick...and he is never sick. He woke up about two hours ago and started throwing up and he really doesn't feel good at all. As soon as I found out and saw him I lost my appetite (I was eating ice cream), not because I saw him vomit (because I didn't) but solely from nerves and anxiety. I thought the worst, like we might have to call 911 and something might seriously be wrong. I don't know why I immediately think of the worst result, but I always do.

Anyway, I have prayed to the Lord, "Let Your will be done." in other situations as well. For instance, I will pray to him about the issue, pray for a positive outcome, but end with "But Lord, just let Your will be done no matter what that is."

I have realized that sad and tragic things happen in life, and I have experienced and will experience more of these situations, but I know in my heart that those tragic and heartbreaking situations are going to be God's will because He is always in control, even when we think he is not.

It puts me at peace to know that even though this world is so big and has so many bigger problems than just the problems in my life, I have the security and assurance that He still loves me enough to know the number of hairs on my head and is with me in every situation, good and bad.

Trust in God, even when its hard, because in the end, He will be your absolute comfort.

Stroller Insanity!

Okay so seriously I am already getting really sick of having something negative to blog about everyday about Jody but this one tops the list for the month so I guess I should blog about it and get it out.

Well, I posted last night that Josy said she wouldnt watch Tanner today because she was going shopping...but she didn't. She just sat on her ass at home and did nothing...like usual.

Well, Dorin got off work early so I headed over there around 2pm. Well, when I got there I remembered that I needed to call JCPennys to make an appointment for Tanner, Dorin, and I to get our Christmas photos taken. Well, Dorin and I had decided that we would all wear a shade of green (instead of red, since everyone seems to wear red for Christmas pictures).

Well, Dorin and I were talking in the kitchen and Jody was in the living room sitting on her ass and she kept butting into our conversation saying, "Well, can I give you my opinion??!?!?" Well, why would she even ask that?? Even if we said "NO!" she would have anyway. Either way though, she tried to tell us what time to make the appointment, where to go, what day to go, and then came the clothing crisis.

Jody had bought Tanner this red plaid looking long-sleeved collered shirt a while back and I guess she bought it solely for him to get his Christmas pictures taken in. Well, like I said before, our theme was green and she had a bitch fit about that!! I don't understand that woman! I mean, she buys a shirt for her grandson and then just EXPECTS Dorin and I (who are paying for these pictures) to dress him in it for his pictures because SHE wants him to wear it??? I don't freakin' so. So, she was pissed about that but Dorin didn't give in.

I got really mad and as I was leaving go to hang out with Kristen for a little bit I told Dorin I was going to just call JCPennys back and tell them we will all be wearing red instead and he said, "No honey, you and I decided on green, who cares what she wants, she's not paying for the pictures!!". So I was happy about that.

Then I went over to Kristens for about an hour and a half. It turns out that Kristen had to take Tanner to the doctor today and found out that he has an ear infection (poor guy!). But when I was there he was totally acting like himself so I don't think it's hurting him much now that he is on antibiotics. Kristen, her mom, and I all talked about my frustrations with Jody and I kind of got some validation because they both agreed with me that she is overbearing and tries to be way too involved.

Anyway, after I left Kristens I went back to Dorins house and the SECOND I walked in Jody wanted to know everything. I told her I had to pee really quick...because I did!! When I was done I went into Dorins bedroom to change into pajama pants really quick and I was in the middle of shutting the door and she comes up again and said, "So, wahts the deal with Tanner!!??". And by this time I was annoyed because I had only been in the house less than 1 minute and she had already asked me TWICE. I said, "I was going to change my clothes really quick." And she got kind of pissy and said just said ,"Oh." and I just shut the door and changed.

When I was done, I went out to the living room/kitchen and told her and Dorin that Tanner had an ear infection and that the doctor also gave him a breathing treatment. I didn't go into detail because I didn't know much detail. And Jody asks me (in a very snotty tone), "Well, is he going to daycare tomorrow??!" And I said, "I don't know, I didn't ask." And I turned back to Dorin and was kind of tlaking to him about other things for like 2 seconds. And she just says, "Well I guess I will just have to call her myself!!!!!!" And she immediately goes to her room and SLAMS the door!! I just started laughing.

When she talked to Kristen she decided that she wants to take Tanner tomorrow. So she told Dorin that he needed to get Tanners stoller (by the way, the one MY mom got us) out of the studio, wipe it down (even though it wasnt dirty) and put it in the back of her truck for her. No please of course. Just demands. Well, Dorin wanted to watch the last bit of a show that was on and after 30 minutes Jody starts SCREAMING at Dorin that he has no respect for her and that he needs to find a new place to live soon because "this is our house". All because he didn't IMMEDIATELY follow her demands and go get the stroller.

First of all, my thoughts are doesn't she have legs that work?? Couldn't of she went out and got the stroller on her own?? And then to just completely overeact like that was completely uncalled for. I mean it was an all out screaming fest on her end. She said that Dorin doesn't respect her, and blah blah blah. ALL OVER A DAMN STROLLER!

And it's not like he was ignoring her and wasn't going to do it, he was planning on doing it for her, but she didn't need the stroller till TOMORROW morning so he thought he could atleast finish watching his show really quick.

Whatever. She is just a overeacting bitch! I have never seen a bigger drama queen.

Between the bitchfit about Tanners ugly Christmas shirt, the demand of information I didn't even have, and the complete blowup over NOTHING just proves what I have known all along...she is a psychotic, know it all, controlling bitch!

Actions Speak Louder than Words, Right??

This weekend when we had Tanner, he had a cough and by Sunday he really didn't feel good. We went to the store and bought him Childrens Tyenol Cough & Congestion (or something like that) but it didnt seem to help that much. Well, Kristen called me Monday night and told me that Tanners Daycare had called her at 9am (2 hours after she dropped him off) and told her that she needed to come and get him, that he had developed a fever, and that he couldn't return to daycare for 24 hours.

Well, I had to work today so I couldn't watch him (Kristen goes to college everyday), Dorin obviously has to work so he couldn't watch him, but Josy didn't have to work so I told Kristen to just call Jody, explain the situation, and that I was sure she would be more than happy to watch Tanner.

Well, by the time I got to Dorins house after he got off work, she told us that she wasn't going to watch Tanner because she wanted to go shopping with her friend. Oh my gosh!! Are you serious!!

She always says how Tanner should be number one on everyones priority list, and that he should always come first. Those are her words, but when push comes to shove her actions prove her motives differently in my opinion.

Even Dorins dad said, "Well, aren't you going to the mall Wednesday too?" and all she said was, "Yeah, but I want to go tomorrow too." Even her husband seemed confused.

Oh well, I have realized that I really am super negative when it comes to Jody. I pounce on anything she does wrong, and I know thats not good or healthy. I don't know why I have such a big problem with her, but I need to stop complaining.

I wrote this blog in order to get all these feelings out, but then I look at my friends blogspot sites and they are all positive and upbeat, and here I am just being frustated and complaining in most of all my posts.

Some of my Favorites!

Dinner and Dessert

Most of today was stressful. One of my absolute best friends is in town from Utah with her husband and 3 step children (who I hadn't met yet) for the Thanksgiving weekend. Well I have been working double shifts so much lately that I had to try to get someone to cover my night shift tonight so our families could have dinner and dessert together.

One of my wonderful co-workers said she would work for me if she did not get called in to work tonight, but of course she did get called in so I had to rush up to work and see if anyone would be willing to work a double (this is after calling everyone from work that I had programmed into my phone). Finally I convinced my co-worker Kristen to work a very short shift for me tonight, plus I agreed to pay her $40 for doing it since she really didn't want to.

Anyway, all that stress and that loss of $40 was completely worth it! I had such a great night with Lacey, her husband Josh, his 3 children Dallen, Brianna, and Kylee, Laceys parents, our mutual friend Laura, Dorin, Tanner and I. We had such an awesome time. We had very yummy spaghetti for dinner and then I brought chocolate cake and ice cream for dessert.

It was first and for most so amazing and awesome to see Lacey again, I haven't seen in her in over 2 years. Plus she just found out a few weeks ago that she and Josh are expecting their first child!! I am SO excited for them! Plus the thought of my little Lacey having a baby just brings tears to my eyes.

Tanner was of course shy at first, but he warmed up to everyone as usual. We all sat around and talked about everything and anything. I just can't express how NEEDED it was. I missed her so much, and I loved meeting Josh and the kids. I really like her hubby Josh too, he seems like a really awesome and personable guy...and he even got Dorin to talk which is a huge bonus for Josh because Dorin is really shy.

Right before we were getting ready to leave Lacey and I were talking inside and Josh and Dorin went outside for a little bit and talked guy talk. It made me so happy that Dorin talked guy talk to one of my best friends husbands!

On our way home Dorin even said that we wanted to go visit them sometime in the next year or so...and I was so happy and suprised by that! He and Josh I think share an interest in Jeeps, which can keep Dorin talking for hours.

Overall, I loved tonight and I just wish I could have spent more time with Lacey. I'm so happy though because she will be home again in the Spring for her baby shower...where I will probably buy her so many presents they probably won't even all fit in the car! =)

I will post pictures from tonight tomorrow. I accidentally left my camera in Tanners diaper bag at Dorins house.

Jody-The Center of Information

Okay so I know that I had a fantastic weekend with people that I love. I got to see one of my best friends Lacey, meet her husband Josh and the kids, and also spend alot of time with Dorin and Tanner. And, not to mention, Jody and I actually got along really well. She wasn't as overbearing and controlling as usual when it comes to Tanner....until today of course.

I worked until about 3pm today and then I went over to Dorins to hang out with him and Tanner. His parents were both at work for the first couple of hours I was there and that was really nice because I actually got to spend some quality one-on-one time with both Dorin and Tanner. We played, read books, and just chilled out.

Well, when Jody got home once again it was all about her. She wanted us to do this, she wanted us to do that. It was annoying. But the most annoying part of my entire weekend was when Kristen came to pick Tanner up at about 7:10 tonight (which Jody was throwing an absolute fit about). When Kristen came in Jody was talking to her non-stop until she left. Dorin and I could barely get a word in about anything this weekend. She had to be the one to tell Kristen everything, and it was just annoying because she wasn't even with us for alot of this weekend (thank God). I never got to tell Kristen that we went over and had a fun night with Lacey and her family, Dorin didn't get to tell Kristen that he got Tanner a Big Wheel Jeep for Christmas....Jody told her all that. Well actually she never even mentioned us going to Laceys for dinner because obviously she didn't think that "worthy" enough to mention.

Okay I am done venting. I did really good though by not complaining to Dorin about it all after Kristen left.

Another situation happened but I am too tired to write about it right now.

Night Night.

Extremely Exhausted but Happy as a Clam!

Well, Thanksgiving Day was one of the best I have ever had.

It started early. I woke up around 7am (which is early for me) and spent some quality time with my dad. I helped him make the stuffing, and I looked through the Black Friday ads since Dorin and I were planning on going shopping the next morning. I then heard from Dorin a few hours later since he slept in until about 10 (he has been working alot and wanted a day to sleep in before he had Tanner for the next 4 days). I took a shower, got dressed, and headed to his house.

The first couple of hours at his house were nice and relaxing. We hung out with his parents, him mom and I looked online at Christmas presents for people and also some gorgeous inexpensive jewelry they have at QVC.com (she loves QVC with a passion). Overall it was nice to just hang out and spend some quality time together with him and his parents. And, it was especially nice because I felt like Jody and I were actually bonding and unintentially working on builiding our relationship.

After a while it was time for Dorin and I to go pick up Tanner at Kristen (Tanners moms) house. She was already half drunk and we finally met her financee (a guy she has only known for 2 months). I was kind of disappointed when I met him, I guess she just really talked him up because once I met him I thought he was a little too stand-offish, and not interested at all in meeting Dorin (who is the father of his soon to be step-son). I shook his hand,smiled at him, and was personable, but Dorin and him barely even said one word to each other. Oh well, hopefully my first impression of him is wrong.

Anyway, after we picked up Monkey we were off to Tacoma to Dorin's family get together for Thanksgiving. They said dinner would be ready at 5pm so we got there at about 4pm. Dorins parents beat us there because they headed straight there when we left to pick up Tanner man. All of his family was there and I had a great time talking to his favorite cousin (Joanne). She has an older son Jared who is probably like 9 years old, and she also has a little girl named Shaylee who is about a year older than Tanner. Dorin and I played with Tanner and the rest of the kids mostly, but dinner was running late so we had to leave before dinner was served in order to get to my dads house on time (between 6 and 6:30). I kind of expected Jodi to get mad that we were leaving before dinner was served but she was so nice and understanding and said, "Well, as long as you get to eat turkey dinner somewhere that is all that matters."

So, we packed up Monkey and were on our way. We arrived at my dads and almost immediately ate dinner. It was so nice. Cheryl (my step moms) son and finance was there and we talked to them alot. Shawna (the finance) loved Tanner and all the cute things he was doing. We stayed there for about an hour and a half and then we had to take Tanner back home.

After we dropped off Tanner we just went back to Dorins house for a while and relaxed. He asked his mom if I could stay the night there since Dorin and I were planning on getting up at 3:30am to go Christmas shopping for all the good sales at Walmart and Fred Meyer, and to my suprise, she had no problem with it. She said, "Yeah, thats completely fine."

I had to go back to my dads house though because I forgot to get money to go shopping in the morning, but after we got back to Dorins house I fell asleep in the matter of 10 minutes, no joke. I needed to get as much sleep as possible because I had to work a double shift at work today and I was expecting to be slammed for like 10 hours straight, but that wasn't the case.

Anyway, Dorin and I got up in the early morning and headed to Walmart. He wanted to get Tanner this Big Wheel Jeep that Tanner can drive around, and it was on sale for $88 dollers which was such a good price. I also wanted to get his mom this digital picture frame which was like $50 off the regular price. Thank the Lord we got there early enough to get both, and we got out of there as soon as possible because it was crazy busy!

Then we went to Fred Meyer which actually wasn't that busy. I got a bunch of stuff there. Socks, slippers, clothes for Tanner, and some other things.

On the way home we stopped and got some breakfast through the drive-thu at Burger Kind. By the time we got home Dorins parents (who went to Sears AFTER we left to go to Walmart) where already home. They purchased a brand new huge flat screen TV. Its there Christmas present to each other which I think is nice. I showed Jodi everything we got for Tanner and visited for a while.

Dorin and I then retreated to our bedroom and took a 4 hour nap. I actually ended up waking up late and was 25 minutes late for work, but it was okay they were not mad at all. Of course I called on my way and told them I was going to be late.

I worked a double shift, but I had a 2 hour break in between my shifts in which I took the opportunity to take another mini-nap in my car. After work I went back over to Dorins and spent a couple of hours with him and Tanner.

I was supposed to work a double shift tomorrow too but my best friend is in town from Utah so I got my afternoon shift covered and most likely my night shift too. I would really love to have the whole day off.

I think Dorin, Tanner and I are planning on going out to dinner with Lacey, her husband and his 3 kids. Plus Lacey just found out she is pregnant last week so I am so excited for that!

I can't wait to see her tomorrow!!

Blessings!

Since tomorrow (well technically today since I am such a nightowl) is Thanksgiving, I have decided to write a list of all the things I am currently thankful for.

1. Getting clean and remaining clean for 5 months now.

2. My amazing supportive family.

3. My strong and loving boyfriend who is the most amazing companion in the world.

4. I have the blessing in taking part of raising Dorins 20 month old son Tanner. He is the most precious, special, and beautiful little person God has ever made in my opinion.

5. I am thankful for the times when Jodi and I get along.

6. I am thankful for the fact that Dorins family has accepted me into their family.

7. I am thankful for having an amazing job that I actually look forward to going to everyday. With that, I am also thankful for all the supportive and amazing people I have the pleasure to work with.

8. I have money in the bank, and I have learned to not spend money on just anything anymore!

9. I am looking forward to moving out again soon with Dorin, and I am thankful for the opportunity to do that in the near future.

10. I am thankful that Dorin and I both have jobs and can pay our bills.

11. I am SO thankful for my, my families, Dorins, Tanners, Dorins families, and all my other loved ones good health and safety that has been provided to them from the good Lord above!

12. I am thankful that I have a roof over my head, eletricity, heat, and food in my frig and cubberds.

13. I get to go tanning almost everyday, and it is such a good relaxation tool for me.

14. I am thankful that I have gotten through a very tough time in my life right now, and I seriously consider my situation a shere mirical!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

A Nice Night

Well, tonight was actually a really good night with Dorin and his parents, including his mom. Well, when I went to bed last night I decided that I wasn't going to contact Dorin or reply to any of his texts or answer any of his phone calls because I was still really irritated how our night ended last night, but when I woke up this morning I kind of had a new outlook and thought that if he contacted me that I would probably end up hanging out with him.

Well as soon as he got home we text messaged me and asked me what I was doing and asked me if I wanted to come over. I decided that I did want to see him so I took a shower, hung out with my family for a little bit, did a bit of chores, and then headed to his house.

It was so nice when I first got there because no one was home except Dorin, so we had a few hours alone together that we seriously desperately needed. It was so nice, no fighting, nice conversation, and lots of snuggling. By the way, he is the best cuddling partner in the world. =)

After a few hours Dorin decided that he was hungry and had an idea to go get a pizza or something for dinner, but his parents weren't home from work yet so he called his mom to see if she would like pizza for dinner. She told him that her and his dad were going to meet for dinner at a local italian restaurant for dinner and Dorin said that he and I would just come up there for dinner. And she was fine with that.

Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention, right before we left for dinner, Dorin suprised me with an early Christmas present which was a very nice jacket that I absolutely LOVE. Its white and green, and green has really become my favorite color lately so that just made it all the more wonderful. Plus, I really think that I look the best in green, so that made me even happier. Plus, it was the same jacket that I saw a couple of months ago that I absolutely loved and he remembered and when and bought it for me. The only downside to the jacket is that it is a large, but it fits me perfectly. When I was on the wrong path and was abusing painkillers I was so much smaller than I am now (atleast 15 pounds lighter) and back then I could have easilyfit into a medium no problem. But like I have said 100 times since I have been clean, I would rather be chunky than a drug addict with no personality or future. But again, it was just a reminder that I no longer have that slimmer figure that I once had.

Anyway, we preceded to dinner. The way to dinner (which is only a 10 minute drive) was wonderful. We had great conversation with no arguing, it was like we were back to being ourselves again.

When we got to dinner and found his parents sitting at the back of the resturant. They had already ordered but Jodi asked our waitress if we could get 2 more menus. I politely corrected her and said that we would only need one since I wasn't hungry. Dorin ordered his favorite meal in the world, Chicken Fetticcine Alfredo.

The conversation at dinner was wonderful. Jodi and I got along really well and talked about numerous things. She even offered to let me help her make some Thanksgiving dinner and a pie. She was very generous. She is an excellent cook and I felt really special when she offered to help me, since I don't really know how to cook. We also all talked about Tanner of course, and what I should get him for Christmas. I was planning on getting him alot of new books since he loves them, but I found out that Jodi had already gotten him alot of new books so I was kind of back at sqaure one. But she also gave me alot of ideas of other things I could get him, and also told me that I could also get him other books and that she would show me everything she has gotten him tomorrow.

Overall it was a very nice dinner.

After dinner Dorin and I went to Walmart for about an hour to just look around at toys and other things for Christmas. We didn't but anything since we are going to do alot of our shopping the day after Thanksgiving. But it was just nice to walk around with him, talk about things we liked and didn't like, and just overall have a nice time bonding together.

I am thinking that I have really had a really bad attitude over the past couple of weeks. Jodi has definately tried to include me in everything, and has been nothing but extremely nice to me, and I really need to give her respect and kindness in return. It's just scary because we have gotten along like this before and it seems like all of a sudden she will just stop being friendly and nice and treat me like I mean nothing again. I really hope that that doesn't happen again, but one can only hope, right?

After Dorin and I got home, his parents were already in bed so we watched the Barbara Walters special with President-Elect Barack Obama and his wife Michelle. Dorin never used to be into politics at all, but now it seems like he is interested in it, and I love that about him. He is never selfish when it comes to the TV. He always watchs whatever I want to watch for the most part, and he never complains. He has faithfully watched Greys Anatomy (my alltime favorite show) with me every single week since we have started dating. Greys Anatomy is not at all his favorite show, but he has gotten somewhat into it since we have started watching it together.

Dorin is an amazing man, and a great companion. I know that I have my gripes about him sometimes, but I really need to realize more often that he is so sweet, caring, loving, and very unselfish. He never puts himself first. He loves me for who I am. I never have to pretend to be someone I'm not when I am with him. He is my very best friend, and I love him more than anything.

He has also given me the special privilage of helping him raise his young son, who in my opinion, is the most special, precious, and adorable person this world has ever known. I know I will be in Tanners life forever, and the only person I have to thank for that is Dorin. I am so blessed that even though I have traveled down paths I never should have gone on, he has helped me back to the straight and narrow life that I love so much. He never cuts me down or gives me a guilt trip about my past, he is just proud of me and the woman that I have started to become over these last 5 months.

I will never go back to that horrible, dark life of addiction. And my prayer is that one day, somehow I can atleast help one person by sharing my story of where I was, and where I have broughten myself to now.

HER...grrrr

Yes...that is me growling at the end of the title. That is how annoyed and angry I am about this subject. Let me just start with the backdrop. I met my boyfriend a little over a year and a half ago, and we have been together ever since. I love him immensly, and most of the time I really do think that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. My boyfriends name is Dorin. Dorin has a young son named Tanner, and he is an amazing father. Dorin has Tanner every weekend and sometimes during the week as well.

Well, due to some circumstances which had nothing to do with Dorin, I decided to move back in with my family this summer (Dorin and I were living together in a really nice house on a local lake). I will tell the story of why I moved back in with my family at another time since it's a whole other story of itself. Well when I decided to move, Dorin decided he would just move back in with his parents for a few months until I was ready to move out again.

This has seriously been the worst struggle of our relationship thus far. Not because we aren't living together anymore, but because he now lives with his mother again, and she is just way too much to handle.

First of all, she is one of those women who have to be involved in EVERYTHING. Nothing can happen without her wanting to know about it. She is definately a busybody. I should have known she was not normal when she decided to come with Dorin and I on our first date. Anyway, ever since Tanner has been in Dorins life, she has been unbearable. There was a time about 8 months ago where Dorin didn't have Tanner in his life much and Jody (Dorin's mother) would always complain and say that she "just wanted to be the grandma", but now that Dorin is super involved with Tanner she sure acts like she wants to be his damn mother! Nothing can happen with Tanner without her being involved. Tanner has to spend most of his time with "grandma" or she throws a fit. If Dorin does something with Tanner that she doesn't approve of (for example, taking him outside for a half an hour after he eats lunch instead of putting him immediately down for a nap) she yells and screams, "Ok yeah Dorin, YOUR MOTHER KNOWS NOTHING!!" As it turned out, Tanner had alot of fun outside with us after lunch, and contrary to what she thought, went right down for a nap when we came inside.

She always has to be right, her opinions are always voiced, and her recommendations better be followed or everyone in the house has to pay for it for days. Seriously, she is like a 15 year old girl. She always has to have her way, and she always has to get all the glory and get all the attention. For example, I mentioned about a month ago to Dorin (in front of her) that I wanted to get Tanner a bike for Christmas. Wow, was that a mistake. Less than a week later she bought Tanner a new bike and gave it to him (and made Dorin pay for half of it without even getting his approval first). Of course Tanner loved the new bike, which in the end is all that matters, but my point is that SHE is the one who had to get it for him. She had to get the glory.

Every single day when she is at work (which is only 2 days a week since she is extremely lazy and won't get up off her ass and get a job) and Dorin has Tanner she calls atleast once to see how everything is going. I mean seriously, does she not think that Tanner can't be taken care of without her there? Dorin is an excellent father as I said before, and it pisses me off that she constantly undermines him and gives him directions with Tanner. I mean, I wouldn't mind if it was every now and then, I can understand how grandparents like to be involved, but it's with everything! And I mean everything! She tells Dorin what time Tanner should have his bath, she tells Dorin what pajamas Tanner should wear, she tells Dorin that Tanner shouldn't get a bottle before bed anymore (for God sake, the kid is only 18 months old!).

Every single conversation Dorin and I have she includes herself in, even when NO ONE asked for her opinion or was even talking to her. If she is in earshot, she considers herself included. Even if the conversation has NOTHING to do with her or Tanner, she thinks we need her input. It's ridulous.

In the past couple of months Dorin and I have argued more than ever before. I even broke up with him for 2 weeks because I couldn't stand her anymore. I try to talk to him about how I feel about her, and he just defends her. He is an only child and I can understand that she is his mother, but come on! She is ridiculous! I try to express to him as nicely as possible how much she interferes, how demanding and overbearing she is, and how much I can't really stand it anymore without being rude to her. I even give him examples, but nothing helps. This is the most distant I have ever felt from Dorin, and the sole problem is his mother. I feel like if she would back off and just be a normally involved parent and grandparent we wouldn't have a problem at all. And I know that its not just all me or in my head because I have dated other guys before, and one guy I even dated for 6 years and NEVER once did I have a problem with his mother. I have never had a problem with any of my other boyfriends mothers. I think because they were NORMAL.

I feel like I am not only dating Dorin, but I am also dating her. Not only do I have to deal with Dorins feelings and opinions, I mostly have to deal with hers....because she has feelings and opinions about EVERYTHING- and she makes them very known to everyone!

Like I said, I broke up with Dorin a little over a month ago for 2 weeks, but I decided that I wanted to try to work things out. I came to the conclusion that she was not worth ruining my relationship with him over. I realized that I needed to stop making her matter so much, and just focus on my relationship with Dorin and how happy he makes me. Well, that lasted about 2-3 weeks and then I just exploded. She is unreal, and as the holidays are coming up she is just getting worse.

Also, Dorin and his mom have never really gotten along super well because she is always bitching and nagging him over one thing or another. He has told me many times that he has learned to just "tune her out" and "just ignore her". But lately, they have been getting along really, really well and that bugs the shit out of me. She is now more involved than ever because he ALLOWS her to be. He is always so nice and welcoming to her, and he doesn't see how that irritates me.

I know this is getting ridiculous and irrational on my end because I have been way too sentive over 2 situations lately. The first one came a week ago when Dorin and I were walking outside from his room and he past the living room where his mom was laying her lazy ass down like she does every late afternoon and he put 2 shells in her hand that he had found on a beach close to his jobsite. I asked him as soon as he got outside why he gave those shells to his mom and not me. And he used the excuse that those were just the broken ones that he found and that he had other ones at his jobsite that were better, but he had forgotten to bring them home for me.

The other situation occured just this weekend. Dorin was standing at the breakfast bar, and I was sitting right next to him. His mom was also standing at the breakfast bar only like 5 feet from him and he was reading the paper and he said, "Wow!, Woah!" about something he obviously read or saw in the paper. Well I was already irritated with him because of his mom situation so I ignored him expecting him to look up at me and tell me what he saw. Instead he turns to his mom and says, "Did you see this?" And starts talking to her about something. I immediately just got up and went to his room. He came in less than a minute later after me but didn't say anything.

I feel like I have to compete with her now for attention from Dorin, and sometimes Tanner too. It's really irritating. It's making me re-think if it was a good idea to get back together with him. He has told me multiple times that his mom is always going to be in his life, so I guess I just need to decide if I can put up with this forever. I mean, I know it will get somewhat better when we move out on our own again (she wasn't nearly this bad when Dorin and I were living on our own, but we also didn't have Tanner around nearly as much as we do now).

Am I settling? Should I have to fight to feel more important that a 25 year olds man mother?? Shouldn't he be transferring all his needs and securities from her to me since he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me?? I can't keep having this same arguement with him, she always win. Will it be like this forever? Will I ever feel more important to him than her?

Any advice anyone???

My First Post!

Well Hi everyone of the world!! I'm sure alot of people who I will never know will probably stumble along my blog at one time or another and I just want to say HI! and please feel free to comment on ANY of my blogs! I love conversations of any kinds...including debates! I definately have opinions...and I love that other people do as well!

The reason that I started this blog is that I need a place to blog where not everyone I know knows it exists. I need an outlet to vent...I would use a plain notebook diary, but lets face it, at this day and age a 24 year old woman like myself can type alot faster than she can write. Plus, my computer has decided to not let me log in to my myspace page anymore without freezing up, so I decided to start blogging here, plus this seems like the new "hip" site...and I'm all about that.

I will probably blog often and sometimes sparitically.

My passions at the moment include my hatred for my future mother-in-law (and I seriously feel like no one has a situation as bad as I do), my frustration and annoyance with Kate Gosselin of the TLC show Jon and Kate plus 8, and the happiness I find in my boyfriend's little boy Tanner (who I call Monkey).